Do you feel as though your husband or boyfriend has stopped pursuing you? Have you both fallen into a rut where there is no excitement? Has it turned into all honey do lists and well, all about the kids?
Recently my husband and I were watching a movie at home on the couch and it brought on feelings of jealousy and a pity party because I didn't think I was being pursued like I wanted to be and deserved to be. We were watching The Vow, have you seen it? If not no worries, just picture any romantic Hollywood film where the man and woman are perfect and adorable. Full of roses and love struck eyes.
I kept asking my husband, "no one is really that adorable together, right?" Hollywood has a way of making us compare our less than "ordinary lives" to picture perfect. I love my life and my husband, but I started to doubt that our love wasn't good enough because it looked less than what I saw in the movie.
We've been married for almost 9 years now and have 4 kids. The days
of "dating" and getting dressed up and being taken out to a fancy restaurant with a gift are few and far between, if ever. Can you relate?
After the movie ended and the credits were rolling I asked my husband, "Why don't we pursue each other anymore?"
His answer, "We do. It just looks differently now. More adult-like."
You see, it doesn't have to be all bout roses and jewelry on Valentine's day. Pursuing can look like your husband unloading the dishwasher every morning, taking care of the baby in the middle of the night so you can sleep, or remembering to do the "little" things that matter to you - like switching the ice maker back to crshed ice. It's him picking flowers off of the tree after he trims the limbs. It's you hanging up a clean, dry towel ready for him to use, having a stack of clean underwear in his drawer, and filling up his water bottle so it's never empty. It's sending a kissy face text or a silly picture to make each other smile.
It's hand drawn flowers to say "I'm sorry" and "I love you."
It's knowing what the other likes, who they are, and thinking about them when you're not with them.
It's encouraging each other and supporting the other in whatever endeavor or hobby they are interested in. It's believing in each other and building each other up. Knowing what to say, or what not to say. It's simply just being there.
When Jonathan and I first started dating over 10 years ago we did a lot of pursuing. We did what we thought would impress the other and always worried about getting it right.
Now we know each other. We sacrifice for each other. We put the other one first on a deep, intimate level. He knows me. I know him. He knows I would rather have a picked wildflower off the side of the road than a dozen roses.
So when you think he has stopped pursuing you remember it just looks differently now. More adult like. But it is still a big, big love. I would even say a bigger and deeper love. Look for it in the little things, not in the big grand gestures, but in the small, everyday things because that's where I think you will find it.
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