Mar 8, 2015

And It's Yours...





Yes, it's true!! 

On my 30th birthday, I got my most favorite gift. (Psalms 127:3-5)

I'm a Nashville fan (and my hubs watches it with me because he loves me) and when the episode came out when Julia text Avery with that line "I'm pregnant and it's yours." I thought it would be fun or at least funny to do. 

My husband's immediate response was an excited, "Wow!" 

We wanted this baby and were ready for it when God decided it was time. Yes, finding out when I had a 5 year old, 3 year old and 7 month old was a little nerve racking. But happy, excited nerves!



When I started bleeding 8 days after finding out our wonderful news I was devastated, crushed and heartbroken and scared. I had experienced a miscarriage 2 years before with our angel baby, Banner. And it was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I was not ready to do it again, ever. 

It was 11:30 pm and we were leaving at 4:30 am to catch a flight for a 10 day trip to visit family for Thanksgiving in Arizona. My doctor gave me the ok to go. Knowing if this was going to happen. It was already set in motion. Ugh. 

The next 10 days were so hard. Continuous tears and prayers. All the while trying to do my best to keep it together so the rest of the family could have a good vacation and we could enjoy that time as much as possible without telling anyone what was going on. 

I thanked The Lord for catching my tears and hearing my prayers. Jonathan and I chose to hold onto hope, more like cling to it. 

It was a constant waiting game. Torture. Blood and pregnancy should never mix. There were days scripture comforted me, like Psalms 139:5, 13-17. And then there were days I was mad and said just get it over with. Jonathan and I were sure we said our goodbyes to our baby, Roo. I knew God could do anything and asked that he would. I didn't want to have to tell my girls that another one of our babies was in Heaven. But I also knew that if that is what God had planned for Roo, I would accept it and praise Him all the same. 

My journal is filled with prayers, scripture and heartbreaking questions. I was depressed. I just wanted to know what was going on with my baby and with my body. 

My amazing doctor (who has delivered all 3 of my kids) met us Sunday after church as soon as we got back to town. The not knowing and the waiting game was about to be over. I was nervous, but ready.

At 7 weeks, my baby had a heartbeat!!!!!!!



But why the bleeding?! I have subchorionic hemorrhages. 

What are those? Basically blood clots that form in the layers of the placenta. 

It all sounded scary to me, and worrying about your child starts from day 1 and I don't think ever stops.



We told the girls that there was a baby in mommy's tummy and and they jumped up and down and squealed for a good five minutes shouting, "Yay!!!!!" Brayce came over and gave me a hug and I hugged her back and she looked up at me and said, "I was hugging the baby, you know?!" 
I went in the next week for my first official appointment (8 weeks 4 days) and still had been bleeding everyday, but look how Roo has grown! (Roo isn't the baby's name, but what we have chosen to call him/her, like bean or peanut.)

I was put on a "take it easy" plan. Pelvic rest. No exercising (shucks, no problem.) and they told me not to lift over 20 pounds. Um... One problem, my baby weighs 25+. (Love my chubby baby. I lift him, but don't do anything heavier than that.)

He wanted me to come back in two weeks to keep an eye on the hemmorhages. Those first 6 weeks were so hard. I felt like I was in a constant state of depression and worry. Top that off with a big dose of first trimester fatigue.

At 10+ week we still had a growing baby with a healthy heartbeat! And the bleeding had finally slowed down!

My next appointment was a month after that and it felt like torture not getting to see my baby and check on him/her. It's probably a good thing I don't have one of those heart machines because I'd constantly be poking that at my belly. 
At my next appointment they couldn't find the heartbeat with the sound machine so they sent me over to the u/s room to "just make sure." The worry never ends. 
And look at this beautiful baby with ears, arms, legs, fingers and a healthy heartbeat!



I am currently 17 weeks and 4 days pregnant. 
It's been a tough road with the bleeding and fear that the hemorrhages are going to cause damage to the baby by causing the placenta to become detached from the uterine wall. We have been in prayer that they will dissolve themselves (which many do on their own and each time have looked to be heading in that direction.)
My next appointment is next week, where our doctor is going to look at them and my prayer is the hemorrhages will be gone. 
Our plan was to tell our exciting news at Christmas time, but then with the bleeding and hemmorhages, I've just been putting it off because I've been afraid, keeping it a secret because I felt that would keep Roo safe. So while I am still nervous about my pregnancy and the health of my baby, after there was more bleeding yesterday, I wanted to share this with you, asking you to join with me in prayer. And continue on the rest of our journey with us. 
My hope is in Jesus. And my hope is to get to bring our baby home in JULY to join his/her 2 big sisters and big brother.
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(This post was originally written Feb 12th on my old blog, but I wanted to get the beginning of the story over here at our new blog so we could have the whole story! I will be updating with a new post this week of how things are going and sharing if it's a GIRL or BOY!! So, stay tuned!) 



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