Let's just say today was a rough day. Not in comparison to some people, or even most people but it was for me. We were very tired last night from a long day at a conference and got to bed early. It was a rough night for all 4 of us. The girls woke up every hour crying and being needy. My dreams were weird and a mess. And I had an upset tummy. Let's just say I did not go to the gym this morning at 5 and the girls were awake at 8.
I was feeling awful for being so short with the girls. I was so emotional I just couldn't function. Lights hurt and noises were causing me to have a headache. I kept asking them to go to the other room to play so I could "have a minute." They were being good girls as usual but just very um, energetic - wild women!
I was so upset with myself for not being able to play and care for the girls like I wanted to. I just wanted to be left alone.
I text my best friend telling her how I felt and then we figured out what was going on. I am being a hormonal woman - in this time of the month. I never use this as an excuse to have poor behavior but today I gladly claimed it. Because I could not be supermom. She told me that it's ok. I don't always have to (try) to be supermom. Sometimes its ok to look forward to nap time. It's ok to need a minute to ourselves. There's no need to feel guilty or like a horrible mom. I was thankful for encouragement from my friend today.
My husband came home around 1:00 today and he is so good to me he let me take a nap while making lunch for the girls and then put them to bed and came to take a nap himself. I woke up feeling much more myself. Not completely but it's amazing how much a nap can help. I've been awake for about 2 hours now from my nap but can feel that I might need another one!
Confession: I am not supermom. I need breaks. I need time to myself. It's ok to not always be happy and smile. However, I knew it was not ok to take out my lack of patience out on my daughters. I did not yell at them or say mean things. Instead, I asked that they play in their playroom and today I used movies as a baby-sitter. Today I asked for help from my husband. Today I prayed more often.
Today I am still thankful to be a mom. I look at my beautiful daughters and give thanks for them. It saddens me that I could not enjoy every moment of today because I really do try to. But as moms we have to take care of ourselves. I can't beat myself up for having a bad day.
When days like this happen, I'm just going to do my best to not sin in my anger or my lack of patience.
I tried to explain to my daughter that mommy didn't feel well. She asked where I hurt and I said my hormones hurt. She looked at me puzzled. One day she will understand all too clearly.
I'm looking forward to returning to my happy little bubble that is full of sunshine. Until then I will sit here quietly.