You Thrill Me

Today I dug through some boxes in our garage until I found my brand new, never used Bible. I brought it inside and flipped through the pages. I sat it down next to my Bible, my worn in Bible that has been with me everyday this past year. Last year they were identical when they were shipped to me, bearing the same box, cover, and pages, but a lot has changed for these two Bibles. And a lot has changed for me. I haven't let my Bible out of my sight. It holds my deepest thoughts, my prayers and the daily cries of my heart. It has highlights, notes, and tears spread throughout it's pages. This past year when I was surrounded by darkness, it held my Light and my Hope. 

But now there is so much Light around me and in me that I no longer live in a world of darkness. My grief has turned to joy. My tears have turned to praise. There is new life, and I am a new creation. I am alive. 

I brought in my Bible, because I have been contemplating changing to my new one. The one with the blank margins ready to be filled with songs of praise and brightness. I didn't think there was room for the yellows and oranges amongst all of the grey and black. I needed a fresh, clean slate. Or so I thought...

Just like this life and body of mine, I can not pretend that I never traveled through sorrow and darkness. I can not hide away the wounds that are now a part of me. I fell down. I skinned my knees. I have scars.

BUT... I got back up. 

And I can look at my scars as signs that I once was defeated, or I can see them as battle scars, as victory.

I fought and I won. 

And now it is time to grow strong.

I will not pretend to have never been through the battle, only presenting the good, clean things of my life. I will not carry a new, shiny Bible filled with only the "pretty things." I will wear my scars proudly. Because the Lord thrills me with all that He has done for me! I will sing even louder with joy because of what He has done! 

"You thrill me, Lord, with all you have done for me! I sing for joy because of what you have done. O Lord, what great works you do! And how deep are your thoughts." Psalms 92:4-5

There is victory in Jesus no matter what war wages on your soul. There is friends. Do not give up hope, hold onto whatever strand might be holding you together. Some days it might feel like there isn't even enough there that you will even survive. But hear me, "There is victory!!" I promise. He promises! I have been through the fight. The scars are not pretty.  But now they are my battle cry. They are my story. Let victory be your story, too.