Yesterday, I was thinking about our foster care journey and was feeling doubtful. Like maybe this isn't real. Or maybe God didn't really tell us Yes- this is your "anything." Maybe, it's ok to wait. Wait until after the baby, or when some of the kids are potty trained, or until whenever. When it would be easier. Maybe we made the whole thing up.
However, I know none of this is true, I KNOW God has called our family to love in this way. But as time passes, I was starting to doubt and listen to the voices of those around me instead of the One voice that matters. Not everyone thinks this is a great idea and it's easy to hear their voices or want to please them instead of following the Holy Spirit's guidance in our family's lives.
I've been (re)reading Anything by Jennie Allen and just read, "Without the Spirit of God to lead our anything, we will only be do-gooders with our own agendas. And they will fizzle. It will be a phase, some dramatic spiritual experiment we look back on fondly, wishing it had been real life. But sometimes the real thing takes time. We prayed anything."
Even though it has been a few months since God revealed to us our "anything" I do not need to fear that this will fizzle- because it is what we have been called to by The Spirit. But I can not listen to the voices that are causing me doubt. I can't let this waiting period make me question if this is from God. I can wait with confident hope. I have to hold strong to the Spirit who is leading us. During our waiting period He is growing us, preparing us, and teaching us. Because I have a feeling we are going to need all of that and especially Him whenever our new kids do get here.
I can not give up. I will not give up. This is not something Jonathan and I made up because we wanted attention, a cool story, or because we have lost our minds. We are actively seeking ways to Love God and Love Others. Months and months ago we prayed a prayer- "God, give me a Holy passion." And God did just that.
"I knew that if God wanted me to do something more, I would need to wait on him to pull it off. I did not want to create something and then wonder if it had been me or God. I would obey as he revealed the next step, and, in the meantime, live as faithfully as I could through the typical stuff."
I am committed to this cause no matter if it takes 2 more months or 2 years. I believe in His timing.
I said YES to God and I will let my yes be yes.