May 10, 2015

How I Became a Mother

I don't really remember the day I wanted to become a mother. Growing up I always assumed I would get married after I graduated college and then have 3 kids. But I wouldn't say it was something I really thought about much or dreamed about. I think I was too busy thinking about boys.

Then I met Jonathan. We were in love within 2 weeks of dating. I knew he was the one I would marry and a year and half later we both said, "I do!"

We moved to a new town from our college dorms to get married, I got a new job and Jonathan continued going to school to finish his degree for the next year. I was lonely. I knew no one and my husband was not a talker. We'd be apart all day and in the evening I would say how was your day? And this is all I would get "good." One word answers. I was happy, but depressed. I told my husband he had to start talking to me or I might go crazy. I started begging for a baby - someone who would talk to me and love me. (Can you hear how selfish my view of motherhood was?)

Jonathan eventually started writing things down to tell me and now the man doesn't shut up and we talk about everything. But in the beginning it was rough, and quiet. But bless that man he gave me that baby I wanted.

Kairi was born (almost) on our 2 year anniversary. Turns out she didn't talk to me, she just needed me, a lot. (Funny how babies are like that.)  

Well, we enjoyed my 6 week maternity leave by traveling and going, but then I was ready to go back to work- turns out a newborn is quiet too. My MIL took care of my baby during the day while I worked (I thank God daily that this woman in my life and she that loves being a Nonnie.) But as Kai grew my desire to be home and around her more and more grew. I hated missing out on things and she wouldn't quit growing.

One night I was rocking Kai in our recliner and I said to Jonathan we should have another baby. He said, ok let's do it. Then a week later we saw a + on the test. Brayce was born just 16 days before Kairi turned 2.  

Now my scheming began. How do I get home with these 2 girls?! I needed to be home. I wanted to be home. I began working part time and loved all the special times at home with my girls. When Brayce was 6 months old, I did it. We did it. We made it happen. I was an official "stay at home mom"! I grew daily in what that role meant and so did my love for it!

Now it has been almost 4 years of me being a SAHM and 5 pregnancies. I now know this is who I am and who my husband wants me to be. Who God created me to be. It's not about me anymore - it never was. I am a mom. I can not separate KC with Mommy - and I don't want to.


I have learned that Moms are selfless. Moms are the heart of the household. Moms make mistakes, but get to guide their family in grace and forgiveness. Moms get to love their family with an unconditional love. I have so much to learn of what all a mother means and does, but it's a journey I never want off of.

Being a mom is so much better and greater than I ever dreamed possible. I didn't know I had this dream, but God led me to it and has poured these blessings into my lap.

Today on Mother's Day, I am so grateful for the title I get to wear daily- Mama.


I am thankful for these little people who call me "mommy, mommy, mommy"  all times of the day and night and thankful for the ones to come.

I'm thankful for the people on my team that help me be the best mom I can be to my kids by supporting me, loving me and my kids and giving me a break. I'm especially grateful for my husband, my baby daddy. I couldn't be Mom without you being Dad.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you selfless, loving Mamas out there and for the moms-to-be.


Oh and because this was cute - this morning the kids gave me a necklace that says "I love you to the moon and back" (Thanks Nonnie) I read it and Brayce said, "But I would miss you. But you wouldn't stay." My baby would miss me if Mommy traveled to the moon, but she knows I would always come back.


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