This morning I asked my husband what he would do different now if we were just dating and he was hoping for me to fall in love with him.
We've been married for over 7 years now and I want to date again. I want to date my husband.
For some reason after we say "I DO" we get comfortable, safe, or just plain lazy.
The chase is over.
No need to PURSUE any longer.
Then bring on the kids and the dating ends. Who has time to date? When little ones are under your feet 24/7.
We get so caught up in our day to day lives that we forget to nurture and invest in the most important (human) relationship we have. Our marriages.
Well, no thank you. I'm not interested in any of that.
I want to date. I want to pursue my husband and I want to be pursued.
I want to do things that he would like and for him. I want to show him my love.
I'm committed to my marriage.
But I want to not only be committed to our marriage and our love. But to feel our love alive.
To feel. To be giddy. To have butterflies.
Now don't hear me wrong, feeling is not the most important thing and does not determine my commitment to my husband. I made a vow before God and to Jonathan to love him till death do us part. And God willing after that as well.
But until then, I want to do things to show my love to my husband. To respect and honor him. To reflect God's love for his people through my marriage. And to make him feel loved.
So what was my husband's response to the question I asked him this morning?
He said, "I would make sure to do a lot of things to show you my love, a lot of little things."
I asked him, what are we waiting for?
|My morning surprise.|
And I thought about what I would do and what I used to do when we dated. And I realized that I don't do those things much anymore. Or at least not as often as I should.
What did our dating life look like?
There was kissing. A lot of kissing. So I know that is one thing my husband would gladly welcome back to our relationship. xoxo
Not just a peck hi and bye, we do plenty of that. But an I love you "big kiss" as my daughter calls it. The kind that you feel all the way down to your toes. The kind you get lost in and tune out everything and everyone else.
I'm so bad at turning my head and just letting my husband kiss my cheek. But a connection of lips, long enough that you can't fake it, long enough to connect. A kiss is intimate. A while back I heard of the "15 second kiss" trial. A man did an exercise of kissing his wife everyday for 15 seconds and saw that the results were crucial to his marriage.
I think I am going to implement that into our relationship. I mean we do kiss, but not like when we were dating. We made out way too much when we dated, but for some reason now that we are married we don't kiss more than a few seconds here and there.
And husband, I want to kiss you.
Kisses make you feel, they are intimate, they connect you.
It's easy to begin feeling like you are just living with a roommate and your best friend. But my husband is so much more than a roommate and even more than my best friend. He is my other half. Together we are one.
TIME AND MONEY
We invtested time and money into our relationship. We went on dates. We did things we enjoyed and sometimes that meant buying some gas, tipping a waitress, and skipping out on studying for a test.
We bought things that the other person liked and wanted and were willing to sacrifice what we wanted to get it for them.
|Proof He would do anything for me. He said yes to a cat... before we got married.|
But we also got creative when we didn't have anywhere to go or any money to spend. We would grab a blanket and lay under the stars until 5 in the morning just talking the night away. Because we didn't want to be apart.
With kids sometimes, ok most of the time, you can't just go wherever you want. A lot of dates are going to have to be after bed time and not so much a night out, but a night in. Husband, I want to get creative and invest in our relationship. I want to date you, even when it means a date night in.
We can't stop pursuing our spouses. We are so good at being selfless and thoughtful when we are dating. We think of our other all the time. Always putting their needs above our own. Doing anything possible to show them our love. We would do anything for them without even weighing the cost.
But I'm bringing back pursuit to my marriage. Husband, I hope you will join me!
I love you, babe!