It's not a good place to be.
A year ago we moved into our new home. I love it here. I love my house and our neighborhood.
But a few weeks ago, I started reading a book that has been sitting on my sofa table for several months.
The Nesting Place
What a great and cute book. Full of great inspiration.
It's all about making your house a home that you love.
I am loving this book. And have nothing negative to say about it. But it had a downfall for me... I got addicted to Pinterest. I became obsessed with pinning new ideas that led to other ideas and then others. About what would make my house home. You can find me on Pinterest and see what I'm talking about. I pinned more pins this past week than I have in years.
I was no longer content. I was not satisfied with what my house looked like and I felt that the space no longer was meeting my needs.
I wanted a house that looked like this...
I started talking to my husband about knocking down walls, getting new floors, and redoing our fireplace. And my bare walls started closing in on me begging me to fill them with all of the cute things I was finding on Pinterest. I saw so many pins with a framed antelope that I was almost convinced that I needed one. Apparently it didn't matter how I dislike all things outdoors. But I NEEDED my house to be Pinterest worthy.
How was I supposed to have people over if it wasn't finished? I didn't want to have to apologize to people for "such a mess".
A month ago I would have never thought this. I was very content and happy with my home! But I maybe spent 1 or 2 too many hours a day on Pinterest.
So what did I need to do?
Well, the obvious answer - GO SHOPPING.
(Just a side note - the book adviced NOT doing this.)
Friday afternoon we loaded up and headed to HomeGoods, Hobby Lobby, TJMaxx, and Target.
I fell in love with this pink chair and NEEDED it. (It's a good thing I hadn't completely lost my mind. I wasn't willing to pay $500 for it.)
We ended the night by going to Target and LOADED our basket with so many things we needed to make our house a home, which apparently meant a lot of pillows...
We spent 2 hours and a lot of money in Target and finally at 10:30 loaded back into the car to head home. On the way home while we were stuck in a traffic jam for 45 minutes, the hubs and I started talking about what we had just done. Why were we shopping? Why did we feel that we needed all of this?
Our monthly budget got thrown right out of my window with plastic blinds. It was time to spend some money and I had a whole list of things that needed done. And we were going to start right away.
I was willing to gladly sacrifice our goal of getting out of debt (school loans/car loan) to have a cute, Pinterest worthy house by spending all of our money and blowing our budget. I was willing to sacrifice a functional living space for my family for cute decor and hard chairs.
I don't know. I had gotten so wrapped up with Pinterest and the renovations we could do, that I forgot what's important to my family.
And I found my answer... I was no longer content.
Now don't get me wrong, having a pretty house is not a sin or a bad thing. I was struggling with my heart of discontment and envy.
I was thankful for that traffic jam last night to have the time to sit and reflect. To literally stop and pause. My husband and I talked the whole way home (which ended up being 2 hours instead of 1) and we realized that we were wrapped up in things that were not important.
When we got home I walked in with brand new eyes. I feel like it's a brand new house again. I am looking at it through eyes of contentment, looking at all the things I love just as they are - not all the things unfinished. I will not apologize when you come over. I will not make excuses for a mess or a paint color not quite right. Hospitality is about people not pillows and hardwood floors. A home is for people, not things. It's supposed to work for us and help meet our family's needs, not the other way around.
I realized I needed to arrange and decorate my house that helps my family to function at it's best, not what is the latest trend on Pinterest.
I needed to stop acting out of jealousy, contentment, and envy. I am content. I couldn't be more grateful for this house, for my home.
Plus, if I start to feel discontent all I need to do is remember how far we have come in this house - we got rid of the mauve vaulted ceilings and what could be more transforming than that?
What attitude lives in your heart today? I am always having to examine my heart, praying for God to change me to the woman He wants me to be.
So no, I don't make my bed everyday, my laundry is never done, there is linoleum floor in my kitchen and I let my kids jump on our couch (sometimes).
You will never see my house on Pinterest, but maybe instead you'll be able to come over and have dinner with us or have a cup of coffee with me.
Because I am choosing to refuse to live my life in a way to show off all of my stuff. Instead I want to live in a way that would make God smile.
So my new pillows, lamps, and wall decor are piled up waiting to go back to their old home of the Target aisles. Sorry pretty things, you can't live here with us.
I'd rather have a full heart than a full house.