Sometimes I can't help but think that single people and even newly weds are "living it up" - having a real adventure. I want to yell to them, "Go make the most of it!" Now is the time you get to do whatever you want to do. Because after marriage... Or after kids, don't even think about it...
That is some of the advice I received before getting married and then again before having kids. It was engrained in my brain that "life was over" after that first baby arrived. I was even told, "Don't have kids, you'll never get to watch a rated R movie again." Um... Because I would rather watch rated R movies than have kids??
Why did I feel this about singles/newly weds? Why were they the ones "living it up"? Because they have no responsibility? Of course they do. But now is the time they get to determine the direction of their life. Where they will settle down. And who they will settle down with. And because all they have to look after is themselves.
Maybe I think this because every mother knows how difficult it is to travel when having a child - how you have to upgrade from your sports car to a minivan to fit every item needed to care for a kid even for just an overnight trip.
Sometimes I think "I'm stuck"... What?! I'm stuck? In this beautiful life, beautiful home, and with these beautiful people. Might as well call this my deserted island and I have everything I could possibly need and want.
Sometimes I think since I didn't move away and be on my own then I'm not adventurous enough and missing out on something.
Well a few truths from that: 1. I did move away on my own in college where I met my forever man. Maybe wasn't an over seas adventure where I back packed through Europe, but it still was my adventure - with pretty good results.
2. I'm not adventurous. I want to be at home and around family.
3. I am living an adventure everyday. What's more adventurous than having 3 small children at home everyday? Well besides having 4 or 5 small kids. Every day is an adventure with them. We explore, we create, we make believe. And I love fiercer than I ever have in my life - talk about an adventure!
Sometimes I envy the freedom singles and newly weds have. But I guess that depends on how I am defining "freedom". To not have to answer to anyone. To be free to move about - alone. To have all the me time in the world. To be able to stay up late and sleep in late. To do what I want and when I want to. So when I say freedom, maybe in my head it's not freedom I am wanting, but maybe I am actually desiring selfishness.
I think I am remembering the fantasies of single/before kid life. I forget they work all the time to make ends meet and therefore, don't have a lot of that free time or stability or the money to do what they want, when they want. And a lot of singles are so consumed with finding a mate, that they make all the wrong choices leading up to that. That, that is what every decision is based on. Well, at least I know I did.
But now I have a freedom I never knew existed before. A freedom to love unconditionally and to be loved back. A freedom to be vulnerable and make mistakes, knowing the forgiveness that comes in a marriage. To be honest without fear of being left. That it's ok not to be perfect, because I am married to an imperfect guy, with 3 imperfect kids.
I also now know the freedom that is found in Jesus Christ. I read something yesterday that maybe God created marriages to not make us happy, but make us holy. To be more like Him. - (I am not saying that married people are more holy than singles and that you can't know the freedom of Christ when single - because you can! And I hope you do. But I am saying for ME: marriage has been a tool for me to be more like Christ.)
Ya, so anytime I feel stuck or trapped or a serious case of cabin fever. I just have to remember that I am on the adventure of my life. That being a mommy to those little people is what my life consists of. I am right where God wants me to be and I couldn't be happier. And I hope that I am also always growing holier.
So I must remember that when I am feeling stuck or having cabin fever, that maybe it's ok to have a "mommy timeout." To escape for 20 minutes to read a book, drink a coffee, go the bathroom alone, or go to the grocery store by myself. But then I'm always ready to dive right back in to my messy, imperfect, wonderful, beautiful life.
I wouldn't trade this adventure for the world.