My husband and I love to spend our evenings after we put the girls to bed watching tv series on Netflix. Currently we are watching Friday Night Lights. Tonight about 11:45 an episode was finishing and Tami was having trouble taking her daughter to daycare for the first time. And I just started boo-hooing.
My little baby girl is going to start PreK next month. This will be the first time she spends all day away from me and not with family. When Kairi was born I worked full time up until she was 2 1/2 years old. I hated being away from her and not being able to be the one to meet her every need. But I was blessed by the situation we were in where my mother in law, her Nonnie, was able to keep her for us everyday. Which leaving her was stilll hard, but it helped that it was with her grandma.
After I had Brayce and the girls were 2 1/2 and 6 months old I just couldn't bare to leave them any longer to go to work. Our situation worked out where I was able to stay at home.
My whole life I said how I would never be a stay at home mom. And tonight as I sat there in tears I tried to think of a plan of how I could keep my girls home with me forever.
Kairi is such a smart beautiful little girl. She is caring and thoughtful. She's responsible. She plays so well with other kids. I always hear great reports from her Sunday school teachers and last year I was a helper in her Cubbies church class where I watched her thrive.
My little girl is going to do so good at school. I think her teachers will love her and that she will have so many friends.
Then why am I crying?
I don't want my little best friend to leave me. To be gone 5 days a week for 7 hours a day. Kairi is my girl. We have such a strong connection. How am I going to drop her off to strangers and trust them to take care of my girl like I would. I won't be there if she is scared and needs me. What if someone is mean to her? What if she falls down on the playground? Who will tell her to eat her lunch?
I am not so much scared for Kairi to go to school for her tho. I'm scared for me. I'm going to miss out. I'm not going to be the one that teaches her new things and sees her learn. I might miss a milestone. And honestly, I'm scared for her safety. I want to keep her home and shielded from this world. Hearing the news of crazy people hurting children or tornadoes coming and the school being on lockdown. What if I can't protect her from everything?!
Tonight as I was crying and asking myself all these questions I heard a noise from the hallway and out walks my little 4 year old dragging her blankie behind her. I scooped her up and took her to my bed. We snuggled and I kissed her cheek a million times. I told her how much I loved her and asked if I could pray with her.
Then I began to pray thanking God for my beautiful Kairi. Asking him to keep her safe, but then had to admit and pray for what's more important than that. I prayed that Kairi would always walk in His ways. That she would do his work. That she would love others and be a light in this dark world. I prayed that she would make good friends and make wise choices. That she would honor Him in all she does.
I then prayed for the peace and strength I would need to let my little girl start this new adventure.
And then I kissed her again and went straight back to devising a plan to keep her little just a bit longer. Maybe I could hold her back one more year and she could start PreK when she was 5. Instead of 4. Plus then when she graduates shell be 19 instead of barely 18...
I have some work to do with trusting God with my girl. After all He is the only one that loves her more than her mommy does. He will take good care of her and lucky for me He loves me too. So I know He will be watching after me as well.
I will be a mess the first day of class. Yes, I will be that parent.
But I have to watch my little girl go out into this world and share her with others. She is so special to me, but no matter how big she gets she'll always be my baby and I will always be her momma.
Little girl you go and make me proud. You let your light shine bright. Always be yourself because God made you so very special. He loves you and mommy loves you.
I was reminded to not waste a day. There is one more month before school starts. I want to make every moment count. Every hug, every kiss, every snuggle, every fit, and every timeout. I want to mold her and grow her.
I try my best to teach her life lessons in any situation and I have a feeling starting next month we will have a whole new variety of life lessons to come.
I will be ok. I will be great. We will adjust. I plan to help in her classroom, volunteering and being involved. I am so thankful that I am able to be at home and where I will be able to have time to go to the school to listen to her read, help the teacher make copies, go on field trips, for class parties, and for whatever other experiences we will encounter.
This is just a new stage of our lives that will be a big change and adjustment. I am excited to see her grow into the girl that God has created her to be.
** Ok, Moms! How do I do this?! How did you handle it? Give me some tips on how to let my little girl grow up. What made that first day easier for you? And the 2nd, 3rd and 154th day!