Jan 17, 2013

Changed without the Perks

This post may be a little TMI for some... but there's your warning.
How much is too much? Do you tell your spouse everything? And I mean EVERYTHING? ... What you ate, what you thought of, dreamed about, your past, present, etc. ? How about all of the details of your latest trip to the bathroom even - gross, right?!
My husband, Jonathan, and I have a very open door policy. We are so bad about keeping things from each other, we can't even surprise each other and we always know our gifts to one another. Everything is discussed and vulnerability is not an issue. I've never been embarrassed in front of my husband... until recently.
I am dealing with some changes in my body since having to have a D & C after my miscarriage. If you have been pregnant or have had a child before you know how much pregnancy can change your body. And this was my 3rd pregnancy. Well, my body has changed and without the perks of having my child here with me. So those extra squishy parts of my tummy or few extra pounds on my butt just aren't worth it. *pouting* With my first 2 children, I got stretch marks on my belly, but they are totally worth it.
(picture from Pinterest)
So I am struggling with my "damaged" body. I have lost all the pounds that I gained during this past pregnancy, but I don't look the same or feel the same. My body's hormones and cycle (there's the TMI part) are working on getting back to "normal" and it's hard to deal with. I don't feel beautiful or sexy and I feel damaged. I am not throwing a pity party for myself, I'm just trying to be open and real and hopefully encourage anyone else who has gone through this that they are not alone. I don't have the answers, but knowing you are not alone I have found to be one of the most helpful things this past month.
So anyways, last night I had some tears after feeling embarrassed and my husband tried to understand and make me feel better. And he ultimately knew just to give me a hug and say, "I am here for you."
I am embarrassed at some of the things going on with me. LOL, don't let your mind wonder. It's just girl stuff.
BUT!!! Last night I dried up my tears and decided to do something about it. If I don't like the way I look or am not comfotable with how I feel in my own skin. It's time to change it.
"We are a fool to want the results NOW without doing the work." (paraphrased from one of Pastor Mike's sermon)
Well, I want to do the work. Sure I have said it before, but it only takes one time to really click and get going... to form a HABIT (it takes like 17 times, but hey have to start with that one time). The past 3 years have been transforming, but I feel like it's just the start. It's time to find HEALTH and fitness and not so much worrying about smaller clothes (that will come in result of the other.) I think when we focus so much on the scale we can often choose unhealthy means to get there. And not lifestyle changes that will make it a forever thing.

I struggled with wanting to make healthy decisions when we started trying to coneive last summer. I thought - Oh, I'm just going to get fat anyways I might as well eat everything in sight & not exercise. Well, 4 months of trying and then 2 months of pregnancy and one month of recovery - and here I am.
"I am not fat. I have fat." And I am partnering up with my husband to start training to be an athlete - aka a healthy person who enjoys exercising and eating right.

I am telling you so that I have some accountability. To try to encourage others. And well, because I blog and that's what I do.
I'm excited to take action, instead of eating a carton of ice cream and doing nothing about it. I am excited about working out with my husband and being strong and encouraging for each other. He has goals to be a triathlete (visit his blog here). And I think one way to be an excellent wife is to encourage and help him reach his goals. All the while, helping myself! By doing it together.
Tonight we are going to make a plan of action. I like plans and lists. That's how I function. Write it all out, get the details and then get started. Plan. Goals. Action!
I hope you will come along on my (continued) journey of health and fitness. Sometimes I feel it's 1 step forward 2 steps back... but hey as long as we keep taking steps!!!
I am encouraged about the positive things that will come from this. I am happy and do love myself, but I want to make myself better. Be the best ME I can be.

And just for a smile and to add some cheer to this post, here's a couple pictures from my day:

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