Aug 31, 2012

There's More To It All

Yesterday I was trying to get the house organized and trying to get caught up on the never ending laundry. The girls were playing in the other room and I was listening to them giggle and talk to each other. This past month they have really started playing together so well. I'm proud of the big sister Kai is; she always watching out for Brayce, teaching her new things and helping her. Brayce has grown up so much this past month and is no longer a baby, but is definitely a toddler now. She is of course, so funny and wants to be just like big sis. She will copy anything Kai does! But Brayce is her own little person with a big personality.
So I was listening to them giggle and I had the overwhelming urge to stop what I was doing (laundry - gladly!) and get on my knees and pray.
I just had to think God for who He is. We serve such a big and mighty God, and yet he still wants to have an intimate relationship with us. About 8 years ago God transformed my life. I was on a road to destruction. I was depressed, and had 0 self worth. I did things that I regret and am ashamed of but God didn't care that I wasn't perfect or even good. He just wanted me to come home. He pursued my heart until I could no longer out run Him. I had to stop running. My life was on a downward spiral and going fast. When I said YES to God and asked him to come into my heart, I was a broken mess. I was hurt and lost. I didn't want to change but God got a hold of me and luckily never let go.
It took a lot of time, changes, tears, fights, and work to get away from my current lifestyle and to grow into a life that was pleasing to Him. It still is all of those things but yesterday I was reminded to stop and look back and really see WHO GOD IS TO ME.
God is my superhero. He saved me. When I was nothing and deserved nothing God loved me. He sent his son for me. Jesus died for me. He forgave me. He made me new! I was no longer a worthless person. How can we be worthless if we have Jesus living in our hearts?!
So anyways, yesterday as I was on my hands and knees praying and crying I had to look around. I am still an undeserving mess. But I have Jesus on my side. And when we have that who can be against us?! I do not deserve the blessings in my life. But because Jesus died for my sins I can be a child of God's. And my king is a loving God who cares about me. He knows me. He knows my wants and desires and has blessed me.
My God is my #1. And has blessed me with my #2. I can't say enough good things about my husband.  This girl that made all these mistakes and had a lot of baggage fell in love with a boy that was pure and good. A boy that has always had a heart for God. We are currently watching lifechurch.tv's marriage series From This Day Forward. Please go watch it! Wow! My husband and I have a great marriage, but we never want to stop taking care of it and learning ways to love each other better and honor God through our marriage. I thanked God for my handsome, loving, talented, Godly man that loves me unconditionally. He works hard to provide for our family. But more then that he works hard to do God's work.
I am so in awe of God.

I then thanked him for my #3 and 4 - my children. My daughters. Words can not express how much I love these girls and how big of a blessing they are in my life. I don't think we could ever truly know how much God loves us. But can you imagine sacrificing your daughter (or son) for murderers, theives, prostitutes or any and all sinners?! Shoot, I can't imagine sacrificing my girls for anyone that was good and going to save the world even.

God has not only blessed me with one daughter, but two. He has taught me what it means to love unconditionally. I am so undeserving. But I have to do my best to seek after his heart because I have the responsibility of a mother. Not only to make sure I have well rounded children who know their abc's and 123's, that are happy, have activities they love and are some day good citizens and whatever else. I have to show them who God is. I have to love them. I am responsible of praying for them and showing them Jesus. Taking them to church and being involved in their spiritual development. I have to show them and teach them how to love others. I have to trust God to protect them from harm and from evil. I prayed for my girls like I had never before. Thanking Him. Praising Him. Asking for His help. If you are anything like me, you know we can not do this on our own!!

I thanked God for being my provider. I am so thankful for my house. Not is it only a roof over my head but it is our home. He not only has provided my basic needs - shelter, food, clothing, a/c, :) but He has gone way beyond that and blessed me. I prayed that I can not only enjoy these blessings but that I can generously give what I have to others in need.

So here I am - an undeserving mess. But one that loves God with all my heart. That wants to serve Him and live a life that is pleasing to him. I am not perfect and do not have it all together. But I am forgiven and loved.

My chains are gone. I've been set free.

I am so thankful for so much more but that was what was on my heart yesterday.

Today I was reminded while coming home from the gym that this town is my home. I am not a visitor waiting until the day that we might have to move on but I have to make an impact for Him now. Where I am at this time. I can't wait for life to begin because it is happening. Each and everyday I want to live for him.
Where I am now is I am a wife. I am a mother. I am a pastor's wife. I am a friend. I am a daughter, sister, and aunt. I am a part of this community.
We have to use what God has given us to further His Kingdom. We have to use our circumstances, our resources, our talents, and our possessions to love others. We have to meet people where they are at to show them Jesus. We are his hands and feet. He has given us the things we have to use for His pleasure and work.

                                               Enjoy your blessings and bless others. 

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