Jul 31, 2012

Learning to Fight

I'm not sure how to start this blog post but it's something I want to talk about. I've never been good at starting papers, I guess it's no different w/ blog posts. In college my husband, then boyfriend, and I would be in the library and we'd have a paper due the next day and neither had started. Because that's how college students operate. He'd get finished in an hour and would come to see if I was done and I would have the title and that's it. So you'll have to give me some slack on my blog and keep reading through the beginning. :)
If you fight. Fight naked.
This was the advice that was given to me on my wedding day. I can't say that I've ever practiced this even though I'm sure my husband would love it. Wonder how long the fight would last...
Here's some history of how I like to fight... I like to yell. I say whatever I want and try to push Jonathan away. But what I really really like to do is clam up and not say a word. I like my space and want to flea the sight so I can be alone.
Here's Jonathan's idea of fighting... Talking things through, saying I'm sorry and forgiveness.
Now obviously we can which is better, MINE... ok ya, not so much.
Jonathan has taught me how to fight. I have grown and let go of yelling, pushing (emotionally, never physically), and running away. However, clamming is still my thing.
We have been married for over 5 years and have grown and learned. I know what hurts my husband and clamming up does. However, I have asked him that if I ask for 2 minutes to be silent that he lets me. Then I will do my best to talk things out.
I like to process things. I go through a few stages while I'm silent... Angry, agnostic, sad, and sorry.
I don't think there is one perfect way to fight for every couple. I know there is a way to not fight - never ever get physical! But we have adapted and compromised. That's what you do in marriage. Also, we have learned what hurts each other and what usually turns into a fight. Then we avoid these things as much as possible. We don't like to hurt each other but are always honest. Communication is key. Also, I know my husband and I know his motives. I know when he says something, that I used to take it negatively but that had to do with my own insecurities and I know that he would never do anything on purpose to hurt me.
We put each others needs first. Even when we don't want to, we have to say I'm sorry and always forgive.
Last night we had a fight and I clammed up and we hurt each other. I was feeling angry and mean but I had to stop and pray that God would soften my heart and I could get over myself and say I'm sorry.
Well It was not immediate but this morning my heart is soft and I will publicly say I'm sorry to my husband.
I'm not really even sure what the argument was about exactly.
We are a very happy couple and luckily our fights are usually over "nothing". But I think that's because my husband encourages us to talk it through so we don't hold on to anything. If we don't talk things through we will hold on to resentment and will have trouble with forgiveness.
We must always put our spouse's needs before our own. Never threaten divorce. That word is not a part of our vocabulary. We threw it out the day we said, "I do."
My husband tries daily to be the best husband he can be. I try to be the best wife I can be. As much as I talk about wanting to be a good mom to my girls. I want to be an even better wife.
We must pray for our spouses. There is too much trying to tear marriages apart but we must fight for our marriages daily. Marriage is work and there's nothing more that I would rather work on.
God blessed me with a man that I do not deserve. But that loves me unconditionally and forgives me. I am forever grateful.
As a wife we must stand behind our husbands and be their #1 fan. If we believe in them then they can do anything! Don't question how much your support means to your husband. Pray for him & your marriage everyday!
This post may not have made any sense but I wanted to write it to encourage you to love and forgive unconditionally.
I just want to bring glory to God in all that I do.

Proverbs 31
1 Corinthians 7
Ephesians 5:21-33


I love you, husband. I am sorry.

5 comments:

  1. You are the best wife in the world!

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  2. Thank you for sharing. I too am a clam. I'm a boiling pot first (meaning I blow up) & then I clam up. It's hard to admit that the reason you're yelling/clamming is because you're hurt or you feel guilty because what the other person says is true. We're all a work in progress :D BTW did you see where I said I nominated you for a Liebster award?? If not I'll send you the link, but all you have to do is visit my blog & follow the rules :D If you want to of course. If you don't that's ok too. http://nursingschoolinsandouts.blogspot.com/2012/07/leibster-award.html

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  3. Thanks for sharing. Ricky and I are really learning how to fight. We never really did until we moved in together after the wedding, they don't lie when they say marriage is hard work haha.

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    1. It is a lot of hard work! But worth it! :) It took us a few years before we were really good at fighting! lol :) I'd rather spend all my days fighting with him then getting along with anyone else tho. It's definitely an adjustment learning to live with each other!

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  4. Ronnie and I are both screamers so our fights arent so quiet but they have evolved so much from when we first got married.It is all about compromise and growing together. You are an awesome wife for apologizing like this. Love it

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